My A-Z

Fun to answer these tests once in a while...

A - Available: For way too long. Hehe.
A - Age: 28
A - Annoyance: People who play games
B - Best Friend: Jeng aka my Mush Princess
B - Bar: Suba especially on Wednesday nights
B - Birthday: February 11th
C - Crush: Wentworth Miller. Haha.
C - Cat: Not much of a pet lover
D - Dead Pets Name: Blouie (my fishy from Lethel)
D - Dog: See Cat
E - Easiest person to talk to: Jeng
E - Eggs: Scrambled
F - Favourite color: Blue
F - Food: Anything with chicken
F - Foreign Slang: Chillin', Crib, Phat
G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Gummy bears
G - God: Is always around
G - Good Time: Good Food, Great Company, Wonderful Conversation
H - Hair Color: black brown
H - Happy Now: Hmmm. Trying.
I - Ice Cream: Chocolate forever
I - Instrument: Guitar. Just wishin'.
J - Jewelry: Earrings.. (well, I'm hoping for a ring someday :))
J - Job: Slacker. Hahaha. Writer Wannabe.
K - Kids: Hopefully in the future
L - Longest Car journey: Spring Valley to Buffalo
L - Longest Relationship: Hhmmm.
L - Love: Is a battlefield! :)
M - Milk Flavour: Does milk have flavor? Does chocolate milk count?
M - Movie Last Watched: Sukob! Scary.
N - Number of Siblings: 2 younger bros
N - Northern or Southern: Huh? I don't get this question.
O - One Wish: Peace of Mind
O - One Phobia: Slipping down a flight of stairs
P - Parents, are they married or divorced: Married
P - Part of your Personality you like best: Thoughtful, I guess
Q - Quote: Neil Gaiman's. See previous post.
Q - Quick or Slow: Hmm. Is this question wholesome at all? Haha.
R - Reason to smile: For today, Prison Break Season 2 Episode 2
R - Reality TV Show: American Idol, Amazing Race, Project Runway
S - Song Last Heard: Do you have a little time by Dido
S - Season: Definitely Fall
T - Time you woke up: 7 am
T - Time for bed: 1 am
U - Unknown Fact about me: I keep a separate diary with my deepest darkest thoughts.
U - U are: Right now, redefining myself
V - Vegetable you love: Potato
V - View on Politics: A dirty business
W - Worst Habits: I can be impulsive at times
W - Where are you going to travel next: Hhmmm. Bangkok?
X - X-tra special someone: Nada. None. Zilch. Zip.
Y - Yellow: Look at the stars. Look how they shine for you...Coldplay rocks.
Z - Zodiac: Aquarius

Rave

I just can't stop raving about my new blog template :) :) :) Thanks to my bro for fixing it up for me. A thousand thanks and priceless love to ya. Dude, you rak!!!

J. Lo's Theory

I just remembered that J. Lo TV feature which mostly is a behind-the-scenes narrative on her first ever runway show. Particularly, what came to mind is that one line wherein she says that the greatest fulfillment for her is doing things that everyone says she can't do.

I guess it's human nature. The more people want to pull you down, the more you fight and struggle to be on top. To some extent, I agree with this reaction. Each criticism should be taken as a challenge. The negatives should be converted into positives whenever possible. But, I don't really fully agree that this should be done for the sole purpose of proving everyone else wrong. End goal should be improvement of self. It should not be about them; it should be about you.

Throughout her career, J. Lo has been center of heavy criticism. The effects of which probably brings her to her viewpoint of proving people wrong. I can't blame her. The intent with which the comments were made is most likely malicious, crude gossiping.

This brings me to my next point. Intention. When someone comments on you or what you do, I guess one should determine why such comment was made. Was it for your own good? Or was it in ill faith?

Then there's delivery. There's a thin line between frankness and insensitivity. Some people talk straight about what they think. Others talk straight about what they think without considering the other person's feelings. There's a big difference. Sadly, these people do not recognize that aside from honesty and frankness, tact is a virtue too.

I've received a few such comments. People blabbing about what I cannot do and what cannot possibly happen. Although I want to ignore such crap, sometimes it affects me. Then again, I won't apologize for who I am and who I'm evolving to be. You people just wait and see.

Neil Gaiman

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanters into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way to your heart. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."

My I-Story

Metro Magazine has this writing promo, with this theme: "What's your story?". It should be written in 600 words or less. I just sent an entry. I doubt that it'll get picked...but then again, who knows? :)

Here it goes...

Every girl starts out with a dream of finding the perfect man. The fairy tales spell it out for us. Prince Charming will come with glass slippers or with a waking kiss. That happy ever after ending is bound to happen someday. As I will later learn, though, the reality is that in this chaotic world we live in, that kind of love is not as easy to find and keep.

My story is nothing out of the ordinary. I'm an ordinary girl... Independent - By 12, I was living in a dorm so as to be able to attend a good school which was far from home... Fairly smart - I used to get good grades in school, with a balanced sense of practicality... Emotional - I feel things... maybe, sometimes a little too much... Romantic - I think life is equally poetic as it is dramatic.

All in all, I have loved a grand total of 4 times, with men of diverse personalities and different races. The depth of what I felt was also of varying degrees. Maybe, the only common thing amongst these affairs is that all of them didn't work out. No matter how much I wanted to and no matter how much I tried, things just fell apart.

What makes my story a little different, I guess, is that every time my heart gets broken, I run. To put it more aptly, I jump on a plane and move. After chopping my hair off, getting Swedish massages and crying my eyes out, I ended up resorting to drastic changes. I asked to be assigned to Maryland to get away from the hurt of unrequited love. I, then, grabbed a job in Singapore, without much thought, following the demise of a relationship that is simply is not meant to be. The movement was all external; but really moving on was a decision I was not prepared to make then.

But, now... now, I find myself staying put... Halt... Stop.

In the stillness, I begin to see my life in fragments slowly meshing together. My family loves me unconditionally. I have been blessed with great friendships and real connections. I have work which pays reasonably alright. With only very minor bouts of asthma attacks, I am generally in good health. I have the luxury of trying out new restaurants, reading new books and writing to my heart's content .I have all the reasons to be happy... and I'm striving to be.

Through all these, one important thing I realized is that going through life is just like going through a break-up. Life presents us with those unbelievably tough moments when nothing seems to make sense, and it is very convenient to just run away. Eventually though, the running has got to stop. Facing life head on, with its ups and downs is the only right way to live it.

Do I still want that Cinderella ending? Yes, I do. I hope it will happen... but, then again, I will not wait.

Life is right here, right now. I'm conquering it.

U.S.

I've been reading this blog of an acquaintance from the Ateneo. She's based in California now, and apparently having the time of her life. There was an entry about New York and how she had an absolutely grand time.

This got me missing New York. I only stayed there for around 2 months, and this was upstate NY with that ghetto-ish feel. I didn't go to the city that much as work took too much of my time and when it didn't, I opted to drive 4 hours to Maryland instead. It was a quick assignment - one that I was very sad to see end for reasons that were more personal than professional.

Even though my NY stint was short, I kinda miss it -- the homey Avalon apartments... the accessible Target store... shopping at Old Navy and the Gap... the beginnings of fall... first snow... trench coats and boots... driving trips to nearby states... the independence... the opportunities... and the promise of a fun time wherever, whenever...

I used to swear that I won't set foot in the US again, then still hurting and not wanting to be anywhere geographically close to Maryland. It was as if the entire country has offended me somehow. Hehe, I know that's crazy.

Well, well, maybe it is time to start thinking about the US again.

Cosmo and HipHop

I spent the entire afternoon listening to Tegs' Ipod (thanks girl), particularly these playlists: R&B Summertime, R&B Love Songs and Top 100 R&B. Without me realizing it, I sway to the beat, which I guess comes naturally for me. If I were in any other place, that would have been fine. But, this was by my cubicle, with neighboring colleagues probably thinking I'm crazy.

Yes I probably am. Crazy about hiphop, that is... I've been trying to figure out how I got pulled into this genre. I figured it started with Rafael's routine of playing these songs on full blast stereo ("What's Luv?" by Fat Joe - love that song). Then, I guess, hanging out with a certified gangster pulled me into hiphop further. Now, I just can't seem to get it out of my system.

After work, Orange and I dropped by Suba for one drink. It was ladies night so the cosmos were flowing. But what drives me to Suba on Wednesdays isn't really the free booze. That's secondary. First and foremost, Wednesday is hiphop night and the DJ manages to mix some cool stuff. A little dancing is just the perfect way to end any day. It relaxes me.

The image of that old Indian dude shaking his booty is still etched on my mind. *Laughing out so loud*.

Wise words

I was bloghopping and came across this. Just had to copy it over...

Newborn Soul

I took one of those tests. See, I'm so very bored! Kinda true, I guess, especially the last part. Hehe.
...
You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter.You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

Taken

Felicity has gotten a lot of mention on my previous posts. And here I go again... I can't help it. There are just some scenes that I can totally relate to, with lines that are all too familiar. It's like deja vu.

The season 2 ender is one of these big "hits". Felicity and Ben are finally together but there's a catch. Ben has to fly back to Palo Alto for the summer while Felicity needs to stay in New York for a museum internship. Standing by the waiting taxi, they were desperately trying to assure each other that they're gonna work it out through the 3 months that they will be apart. "I love you"s were exchanged in a tight embrace.

I felt tears. Haha. Ok, given that I cry easily at movies, commercials, tv shows. This was different though. It just felt like I was reliving that moment.

To those who have gone through that difficult split second of walking away from the one you love without knowing when you'll see them again, I know you understand what I must have felt like.

To those who haven't, I think Plumb's lyrics pretty much describes it. I listened to this song for months. Feel this:

I can see you standing in the pouring rain
Waiting for changes to carry you away
I can see the light fall from your eyes
As we get lost in the tears of this goodbye
But you can't go farther
Than my heart can go
Cause I'll still be loving you
Through the sadness and the madness here
And I'll always be with you
In the distance
That has taken you from me.

Envy

I went to lunch alone today - with my book, a roasted chicken with egg sandwich and a glass of iced raspberry tea. Orange and Keith are on vacation. Tegs had plans and Rhea was busy with work. Therefore, alone time was in place.

I was sipping my tea, reading, when a couple occupies the next table. They were probably in their early 30s, yuppies it seemed. They ordered a sandwich each, a mango smoothie for the lady and a strawberry freeze for the dude. I guess I was really observing them and not paying much attention to my reading. Hehe.

Done with their meal, they started going through what looked like blueprints. Now, I was really interested. I tried not to evesdrop but I can't help it. They started talking about their plans for a house they were building, for a future they were about to share.

I dunno if it were the interior design plans that really caught my attention or the apparent excitement in their voices. Maybe it is both. Either way, one thought was running through my head:

"Buti pa sila" :)

Scribbles

I’ve been trying to write for the past hour and I came up with a piece I’m gonna title “Nothingness”. The words just flowed as they did and that title seems apt. Don’t ask me why my mood is a lil melancholic. I don’t seem to have an answer.

Maybe it is the gloomy weather. Or maybe it’s just that I lack sleep. I was up at 3am listening to the raindrops hit my windows. After a few hours of sleep, I woke up with the sun still hiding behind the clouds…

Maybe it is work. It has been slow the past few days that I’ve been bored to death. Aside from the coffee breaks and Orange’s stories, nothing is of real interest to me...

Maybe it is this Maria CD I’ve been listening to…”I never missed you till you’re gone away from me. I took your love for granted now, it’s killing me. And every time it happens this way, right when I let you go, I mean stay…”

Or maybe I’m just upset. Rhea is right. Sometimes, friendship hurts just like love. I’d rather not elaborate.

*** Still debating on whether to post the piece or not ***

Hmmmm.

Random Thoughts

1) I am on a new routine -- sleep early, get at least 6 hours of sleep, wake up early, go backto doing yoga, get to work on time, less coffee, more water, less chicken, more variety... People keep wondering what brought about the change. I just smile. No special reason. This is just me improving me.

2) No matter how nice guys seem, at some point in time, they do "jerk"y things. 'Nuff said.

3) Some people are engery suckers. It is exhausting to be around them as the kill the positive vibe altogether. They talk about themselves ALL the time and won't take less than 100% of your attention...even if they know that you are busy. They play games and grovel when their games backfire. Thinking that the world revolves around them, they twist every situation to their advantage without thought of how it affects people. I know a few of these "vampires"... and I've learned to stay away from them.

4) Jeng texted me the other day while she was watching the Ateneo-UE game. We used to trek to Araneta, specifically for the Ateneo-La Salle games, with our blue shirts, blue paint and the cheers we memorized by heart. Ateneo actually lost in probably around 70% of the games I watched. Hehe. But it doesn't matter. Win or lose, it's the school we choose... I miss watching those games...

5) Felicity just gave me this brilliant idea. Jeng is leaving for Barcelona real soon. Sigh. She won't be a 3 hour, 300 SGD plane ride away. Instead of sending her snail mail, I will be sending her voice tapes. It will just be like talking to her. How cool (or weird) is that?!

6) It is always great to start or end the day connecting with friends - whether they are miles away, on a different timezone or ya, the next room... Rocky fills my day with laughter. Marian updates me with the latest Manila news. And Trish and I have this Saturday morning lazy-to-get-out-of-bed-lets-chat-on-yahoo-with-webcam routine...To whoever invented instant messaging, I love you :)

7) Trust and honesty are very important. It feels good when someone says "You have my trust".

8) I saw a super cute baby over lunch. Mom was Chinese, and Dad was Caucasian. This proves my long standing conviction that products of inter-racial marriages are physically stunning. The mix is just perfect. I wonder how the baby will look like if its an Asian mom and an African-american dad. Hahaha.

9) I don't particuarly love the beach, but I'm looking forward to this weekend. Rhea and I will be going on our first out of Singapore trip! Wohoo! Snorkeling, Kayaking and the spa --- it will be extremely chill.

10) Prayers really work. I've asked St. Michael to help me with today's work and it hasn't been so stressful thus far. St. Anthony keeps helping me find stuff I've misplaced (which happens often)... Now, now, if only St. Joseph will give me what I have been praying for :)