Finding Me

My current addiction is Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Want to Be". Since I heard it playing on my brother's phone (so hitech), I was hooked, and it seems that I can't be unhooked. Hehe. I have been playing it non-stop. It's a "finding me" song, one that I find apt at this point in my life.

The search for self is a continuous process. Every single day, I learn something about the world and about myself. It can be as simple as realizing that Cadburys Hazelnut maybe the best chocolate in the world, or as complex as realizing that life just always craps someone over.

At my kindergarten graduation, I donned a white coat and declared "I want to be a doctor when I grow up". Then at some point I considered being a lawyer. Giving up my spot at UP Law, I found myself in a job which is far from being a doctor or lawyer. Then, there's that constant thought of interior design. As I move along though, I realize that all this is, to some extent, well... trivial. Doctor, Lawyer, IT slave - it's all the same. Ultimately, just like everyone else, all I want to do is be me... and all I want to be is happy.

That path to happiness is one which seems to have eluded me. Maybe this is because I used to base my happiness on someone who I think can complete my world. When they leave, and they have, my world crumbles and with it, my chances of being happy. I failed to realize that the person I should have been basing my happiness on is me.

In retrospect, I also realize that I have not given myself that chance to be "stellar". I have allowed people to make me feel less than what I'm really worth. I have settled into doing things I'm not passionate about and not giving my 100%. And, for awhile I have forgotten who really matters and what really matters.

I guess all that had to happen for me to get to where I am now - which is nowhere near halfway through my journey...but at least there are improvements :) "Finding Me" is a work-in-progress... and being happy is just the same.

At this point, here is what I am about:
I love my family.
I love my friends.
I am relearning my faith.
I am trying to resolve past insecurities.
I am about moving on and going forward.
I am "tightening the circle".
I, possibly, have discovered my passion.
I still believe in that fairy tale ending.
I am learning about myself.
I am trying to be happy.

And, at this point, this is exactly how I feel:
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me.

Thanks Gavin deGraw for a great song :)